RANT & RAVES

Yes, indeed, I think it' s time to rant and rave some more.
Where shall I start today.
We'll start with the rant......my current job. I know, I know...here we go again.

So what shall I bitch about today......The AVP scale. My current job as you may know is with an un-named cell phone company. We are paid a base wage to start and after your first 90 days you are given a measly $0.50 raise based on your metrics. Metrics are statistics that all call centres live and breathe on. They are a calculation of several variables that include things like your Average Handle Time (AHT), your After Call Work (ACW), your Average Hold Time (AHS) and your Quality Evaluations. So when you call into any call centre you undoubtedly hear a recorded message that lets you know your call may be recorded for quality purposes. It's a requirement by law U.S and Canadian.
So anyway AVP or Agent Variable Pay is what has replaced our regular YEARLY pay increases, yes I said yearly. So, when I first started in this hole there was only one opportunity for a raise and that fell during each last quarter, roughly around September. They used to have a program that ran all your metrics. It also took into consideration your Late Entries and Reliability, or how many times you didn't come into work. The downfall was it was all computer generated, so if you missed a day and it wasn't logged as a sick day or there was an issue with and you ended up with a dreaded No Call No Show (NCNS) you could almost guarantee yourself and nice lame $0.01 or hefty $0.04 raise. Computer are cold and do not allow room for human error. The system was a joke and did not work.
Along comes AVP, the latest brainchild to put an end to any raises. AVP is a month tracker that is constantly manipulated to better serve the corporation. Since it's inception in March of this year the changes applied have been hard to keep up with. What it does is calculate certain statistics and apply a percentage payout at the end of each month. The first version had 4 categories and levels attached. AHT was calculated, Transfer %, Quality Scores and Upselling Units. Depending on how your worked all month "the possibilities were endless" as the Operations Manager put it too us in his little presentation. To achieve a maximum payout a rep would have to achieve and AHT of under 5:30 mins, have a Transfer rate under 13%, have a Quality average above 95% and sell over 60 units per month.
These stats are nearly impossible to achieve, especially in our call environment, it was a complete joke. Within the first month of AVP only 17 reps achieved AVP requirements, now that's 17 out of 740 employees. Isn't that amazing .... a whopping 2% of the site achieved a bonus. The second month was marginally better increasing to 4%. And out of those bonuses the average payout was a spectacular $43.67. Fan-freakin-tabulous !!!!!
I was emailing the head office on a regular basis letting them know how pathetic their grand scheme was. They never cared, the responses I got back were more or less computer generated.
Since the early days they have changed the scales slightly however it is still nearly impossible to achieve a maximum payout of over $200. I'm sure whoever dreamed up AVP is laughin his ass off on the golf course. He'll laugh all the way to the bank as well when other call centres adopt his program into their sites. So the next time you call into any type of call centre you'll understand why they want you off the phone ASAP but not before you add some unnecessary buy-up. "Yeah...sure I'd love to another $10 charge to my $1,489 past due bill"

OK, so after the bitter we must add something sweet so lets rave abit.
Television is a good topic, even though I don't really see much of it these days with my current work schedule. I miss all the primetime drivel that is popular these days so I am stuck with late night TV.
One of my current favorite shows is a new show on Showcase called Kenny vs. Spenny. It's a funny little half hour show on Sunday nights about 2 childhood friends/room-mates in Toronto that engage in crazy contests with a humiliation awaiting the loser of each weeks contest.
So far the first three episodes have been pretty damn funny with the first being the drinking contest. Both Kenny and Spenny purchased 3 cases of beer and proceeded to drink until one of them threw up. Yes, I know, it's intelligent humor but the funny thing was Kenny substituted near beer for the real stuff so he could drink non-stop without effect meanwhile Spenny got completely destroyed and ended up drinking 36 beers over a 2 day span. Ultimately Spenny ended up on the floor in a puddle of his own vomit but the antics leading up to the loss were the funniest part. It's Canadian humor at it's finest for sure.
The other 3 episodes have included Who Can Stay Naked the Longest, Who Has The Biggest Balls and Who Do Old People Like More. It really is a funny show because the rivalry between these two is so strong. So far Kenny has come out ahead because he always works some kind of angle to win. If you have the time and you're bored on a Sunday night I would suggest tuning in to witness this battle for supremacy and bragging rights. Like many Showcase original programs it may not be around for long. Here's a link for ya.

http://www.showcase.ca/kennyvsspenny/

OK, so with that I shall move along onto other pursuits. I still have some things to take care of for my upcoming new job opportunity. Thanks for stopping by.

OK...I'll shuddup now.

Cheers.